Humor From Garfield
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
Take him out for pizza and ice cream!
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
"Quack! Quack! Quack!"
What does Garield get after he's eaten way too much turkey and dressing?
Dessert, of course!
Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving?
They wanted another excuse to watch football.
Jon: "What should I serve with my famous cranberry salad?"
Garfield: "The antidote."
What crime did Garfield commit at Thanksgiving dinner?
Pie-jacking!
Why is Garfield like a Thanksgiving turkey?
Because he's always stuffed!
Why did Garfield think of Thanksgiving when he saw Jon take off his clothes?
Because he saw the turkey undressing!
What would you get if you crossed Odie with a turkey leg?
A dumbstick!
Teacher: "Where did the Pilgrims come from?"
Student: "Their parents, of course!"
Did you hear about the gobbler who bounced around the barnyard?
He was a perky turkey!
Jon: "I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but Garfield sat
on them."
Liz: "So what are you serving now?"
Jon: "Squash."
What's the difference between Odie and a Thanksgiving parade balloon?
Odie has more air in his head!
What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving?
He gave tanks.
Jon: "You know, Garfield, an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower."
Garfield: "Really? Which rat was he?"
What's black and white and red all over?
A Pilgrim with a rash!
How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
He was very thinkful.
What kind of music did Pilgrim bands play?
Plymouth Rock 'n' roll!
What would you get if you crossed a pickle with an early New England settler?
A Dillgrim!
Why did Odie turn out the lights during Thanksgiving dinner?
Because Jon said he wanted dark meat!
TOP TEN THINGS GARFIELD IS THANKFUL FOR ON THANKSGIVING
10. He didn't know the turkey personally
9. His Macy's float is equipped with a litterbox
8. He was born at the right time. Garfield's Thanksgiving: eat, nap, watch football.
Pilgrims' Thanksgiving: eat, nap, get cholera
7. On Thanksgiving it's okay to eat till you explode
6. Scotchguard makes it easy to get gravy stains out of his fur
5. There are still 30 sleeping days until Christmas
4. He can fit a whole pumpkin pie in his mouth
3. The Pilgrims chose turkey instead of weasel stew
2. Five-day waiting period makes it harder for a dog to buy a handgun
1. From now until New Year's, it's one big fat holiday smorgasbord!
GARFIELD'S THANKSGIVING EATING TIPS
Turkey tastes even better if you garnish it with a ham
Let the picky eaters have the silverware and plates; I suggest a shovel and trough
The best way to eat stuffing is to suck it right out of the bird
Don't go back for seconds; get it all the first time
Dinner's not over till you lick the cranberry sauce off your tie
If the Pilgrims didn't want you to stuff yourself, then they wouldn't have invented the
turkey
Burp softly and carry a big drumstick
A heavy feeling in your chest means you've swallowed the tablecloth
If they can move you without a crane, you didn't eat enough
You gotta eat big to shop big
Leftovers make great sandwiches. Try a pound of turkey between two slices of pie
Just a reminder: a proper turkey should not have four drumsticks and hooves
You're full when your navel pops out and rockets across the room
If your tummy is about to explode, then it's time for dessert
If they say, "Who wants green meat?", I suggest you pass
Why mess with flimsy paper plates when you can pull a chair up to the buffet?